via Huffington Post
by Alyssa Ramos
Up until about a year ago, I would have expected myself to be in a serious relationship right now, and getting engaged in five months, since that’s when I’ll be turning 28. Year-ago-me would have expected to be getting married by 29, and having a baby by 30, because that’s what seemed to be expected by family and society. And by society, I mean “Facebook.”
Year-ago-me was also in a relationship with someone who wanted all of those things, but wasn’t fond of the three week trip around the world that year-and-a-half-ago-me had planned before we got together. Year-ago-me was also an idiot who almost didn’t go travel for the sake of staying in an abusive relationship… I won’t go there though.
Fast forward to today, and today-me has since been to eight countries in just one year, is more happy than she’s ever been, and for once isn’t worried about the clock ticking on trying to find a mate to breed with.
So yes, I’d say my little solo traveling escapades has destroyed my dating life, but I mean it in the best way possible, here’s why:
Traveling Solo Expanded My Horizons
After breaking up and traveling mostly solo to three continents in three weeks, year-ago-me learned a lot. For starters, I learned that there is this massive thing called a planet that is filled with millions of people, and many of them aren’t assholes! In fact, I’m pretty sure I thought I was in love twice while abroad, which made me realize that you never know where in the world your actual soulmate is.
It Made Me Focus on What I Really Wanted
When I got back from that trip a year ago, my plans to be in a serious relationship by 28 had turned into plans to travel to all 7 continents by the end of 27. From that point on, my main focus was working hard to travel, and staying away from assholes. I would work all day doing my paying content writing jobs from my kitchen table, then switch to sitting on the floor writing posts for my blog while drinking wine and watching re-runs of Friends, to keep me from feeling like a complete outcast.
It Gave Me No Desire to Go Anywhere You’d “Meet Guys”
I stopped going out, because after traveling to places I had never seen before, it left me with zero desire to go to a crowded bar or nightclub, because all I wanted to do was work on figuring out how to travel more. Granted, I was already pretty much over the party scene before the trip, but it’s kind of hard to meet people if you don’t go out. Let’s just say I was meeting so few guys that I actually considered going back to the one who abused me.
It Made Guys Appreciate the Wrong Things
The few guys I did meet… were on Tinder… so obviously that didn’t work out. I almost feel like being on Tinder is just asking to meet an asshole, mostly because of the blatantly obvious stereotype of it being a “hook-up app,” but I tried it anyway. I somehow got lucky, and met a very sweet 28 year old pediatric surgeon resident who didn’t mind how much I traveled, because he was typically working anyway… it was like the perfect marriage I thought I always wanted, except we had nothing in common besides our undergrad Biology degrees and uncommon work schedules.
It Makes Me Not Settle
The demise of the relationship that my mother is still probably mad at me about opened my eyes to a whole other aspect of dating; I won’t settle. I won’t try to be with someone I don’t feel insanely passionate about, just like I won’t settle for dealing with abuse from someone who I do. Traveling made me realize that there’s more to experience in life, and that settling, especially for someone you aren’t supposed to be with, is a terrible idea.
It Made Me Only Interested in Guys Who Travel
Finally, the last reason why traveling has ruined my dating life, is because it made me only interested in guys who travel. That’s a hit or miss in itself because typically, guys who travel, are already traveling, and aren’t used to having someone else in their travel plans, or are difficult to coordinate with. They’re also used to non-conventional, long-distance, non-serious relationships, unless they happen to find that one girl who makes them want to actually travel the world with someone. It may be a challenge to attain that rare relationship goal, but then again, traveling solo has made me always opt for a challenge.
See this article on Huffington Post: How Traveling Solo Destroyed My Dating Life
View Comments
I keep reading on your blog how you have been to over 30 countries already, but can't find mention of all of these countries. Another article just said you went to 8 countries, which would seem about right from what I am seeing on your blog. So which is it? Pretty large discrepancy. If 30, surely you are not counting airport stops to superficially inflate your number.....I mean, surely..... Think it's time to call B/S on that on, Alyssa. :)
Oh Daxton, so glad you asked :) While I don't normally respond to trolls (AKA you), or have many for that matter...I will for this instance. I have, in fact been to 32 countries. I have only been travel blogging for about a year, and in that year, I have, indeed been to 8 countries (which is probably what I referenced)... well, it would be 9 but I'm currently in Puerto Rico and that "counts" as U.S. territory. That brings me to my next point. I don't think traveling should be about numbers. There are SO many people who have been to WAY more countries than me...I simply just state my measly number. Now the big question is....why do you care so much? Maybe get rid of that negative feeling...and try to find your inner happiness my friend. All the best, Daxton...get out there, and out-number me ;)
Alyssa, I see a trip to Lofoten, Norway's Trollfjord in the future to visit Daxton's hometown :-D
Hahaha my brain is still just like..."But why do you care?" lolol
First, I am not a troll. I was genuinely trying to read more about all the many countries you visited. Somehow, I kept running up short. These countries were nowhere to be found anywhere on your blog....because they are stopovers which hardly count from an "experience" mindset. A true traveler never counts brief touchdowns into countries. Just ridiculous. You were the one concerned about your number first (not I) or else why would you have purposely inflated it in all your articles (until recently....I assume someone else called you out on it finally)? Secondly, I "outnumbered you" over a decade ago (why would you assume I had not?) but is that my goal? Hell no. Listen, Alyssa, you have a public blog. You can accept the good with the bad, right? I simply was making a comment that I kept reading about these 30+ countries in a year's time and it just was not feasible....from both a numbers and an enjoyment perspective. Who travels like that? No one who is about experiencing a country for sure. In a nutshell, if you aren't about the number, then quit writing about how you have visited over 30 countries. I know it "looks better" for your building your following/blog, but it is a bit skewed for marketing purposes. You have answered my question. Thanks and good luck.
I reckon this post could almost be about me! I always thought I'd be married and having babies by 30. I turn 29 in January, I'm single, on the other side of the world, and busy planning more travels. the thought of going home scares me because I don't think i'll be ready to settle, and I have pretty much 1 more chance to go somewhere on a working holiday visa before I'm too old (they should raise the age limit to 35!)
As for the whole dating thing... I've been single since my long term ex and I broke up just after my 26th, and I've never been happier. sure i would love to meet the right guy, and I do honestly believe he's out there... somewhere... but I'm not looking. I hope I see him when he's there, but until then I'm happy doing what I love and what makes me happy.
Going traveling is something we girls can control, meeting the right guy is not, so I think it's best to make the most of life and do what makes you happy, if you meet him along the way brilliant, if not, you're still not going to have any regrets! :)
Awesome! Seems like stepping outside of the typical expectations of society (Facebook) really gave you so much more in your life! I feel like I can relate when it comes to stepping outside of the norm to become an entrepreneur! Keep exploring!
Loved this article! A lot of girls can definitely relate --- there's just a whole world out there, so why limit yourself to a "traditional life story" as told by your high school Facebook friends? This is very inspiring. Keep on traveling!
Hi Alyssa, I came across this article and your blog and really enjoyed it. As you might have guessed, the same problems present themselves for men as well. I'm about to leave for six weeks to explore Europe. It really makes it difficult to date someone when they know you're leaving for such an extended amount of time - even if the trip is a long way out, it has been a problem. The expanded horizons and worldly perspective you gain each time you travel makes it difficult to date someone that doesn't understand or share that. The good news is, us travelers have a better understanding of how big the world is and that there are plenty of people out there. Ultimately, I would agree that you soon adapt to only being interested in other people who like to travel. Glad It's just not me who struggles with this. I really enjoyed your blog, maybe we'll run into each other someday in a distant land. Until then, happy travels!